Sunday, March 21, 2010

One more try

I'm listening to John Legend, nodding my head and doing homework. "I don't care what the people say, they're probably lonely anyway" <---- Lyrics from Everybody Knows - John Legend.

This year I made it a point to resolve issues and drama I've had with people in the past. I've made it a point to drop the petty bullshit that I entertained before 2010. I'm actually back in communication with a lot of people that I've argued with or was angry with for some forgotten reason. I have apologized to some people I have wronged, some have accepted my apologies and we are back on speaking terms and some haven't. Regardless, I feel so much better about myself, about my life because of those small steps I made. I may never become rich, I may never be more than I am RIGHT now but I have accomplished a lot with relationships(friends,family) that a lot of people will never have the chance to do.

In the end, it won't matter what career you had, how much money you spent, or what you looked like. On your dying bed you will want loved ones, friends, family... I think I have plenty of them =)

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Nights like this

You realize that you can't always be positive. Tonight,I'm sad and mildly depressed. I miss my husband. I miss everything about him. I talked to him tonight and as he rambled on I just kept drifting off because frankly I am tired of talking on the phone, emailing and writing in a journal..I want his hugs, his touch. I want to be near him. It doesn't hurt me to admit it. So I'm admitting it.

A lot of things have been going on lately in my life. My sister and I want to open a restaurant but of course the Navy situation is really hindering what we can do. I don't want to be away from Chris more than I already am but I also don't want to put my career on hold. I have never been THIS hindered ever. I went to college the summer after I graduated high school. I worked almost 12 hours a day Monday through Saturday as a nanny to pay for college my freshman and sophomore year. During those days I was tired but I felt SO self sufficient and in control of my life. Now, Im basically done with college but I have lost my focus, my grind, my hustle. I'm just exhausted....And I needed to write that down.......... I've been reading some Anais Nin quotes for encouragement...I will end this blog with a few of my favorites

If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don't write, because our culture has no use for it.
Anais Nin

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
Anais Nin

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
Anais Nin


I will not be just a tourist in the world of images, just watching images passing by which I cannot live in, make love to, possess as permanent sources of joy and ecstasy.
Anais Nin